Introduction

Approximately 20 years ago my mother bought a small leather Calling Book on Lymington Market. When she gave the book to me, she could not tell me why she bought it, though she thought that it was valuable!

When I first studied the book, I found that a Victorian lady started to use it in 1883 and there were references to Lymington and the St Barbe Family. As most of the entries were in pencil and in danger of deteriorating, I thought that I would list the entries and donate the book and list to the St Barbe Museum in Lymington.

When I started, I expected it to be a short simple project but I soon found that it was difficult to read the writing and the Victorian lady did not always put the year in question. I started digging into local history to get some clues. Gradually it emerged that this lady met the cream of society in the Lymington area during the years 1883-1893. The result has been an absorbing hobby during which I have learnt a lot about the local history of the Lymington area. This project report summarises the main information that I have gathered so far.

Naturally I would dearly love to find out the name of the Victorian lady who kept the Calling Book and the reason for publishing this article is to: Find the Lady!

The Victorian Etiquette of Calling

From information extracted from the internet, I found that the practice of Calling, particularly amongst Victorian ladies, was an integral part of society life. Calling was a highly ritualised activity and books on etiquette were full of suggestions on, e.g. how to make calls and leave a calling or visiting card.

Examples

• A stranger arriving in a city, could send cards to friends on whom they wished to call
• For a first call, it was wise to simply leave a card without enquiring whether or not the mistress was at home. She would take the next step (see Notes below).
• In the case of neighbours, a newcomer waited until she received cards from neighbours. It was then good manners to call on those neighbours who left cards.
• When attending a reception, cards should be left in the hall, to help the hostess to remember who had called (see Notes below).
• After a function, to which one had been invited, a call should be made after the event whether one had accepted or not.

  Notes:

  1. Calls would normally have been made on "At Home" days, and times were engraved on some visiting cards.

  2. Invitations would be made to the lady of the household whom, it was understood, kept the diary.

  It is no wonder that some ladies purchased a Calling Book to make sure that some elements of the etiquette were observed.

  Jane Austen

  From her novels, it can be seen that Jane Austen was well aware of the etiquette of calling.

  Examples

  • Pride and Prejudice (first published 1813)

    Mr Bennet called on Mr Bingley the new occupant of Netherfield (as Mrs Bennet was anxious to introduce her 5 daughters to Mr Bingley so that he might marry one of them!) and Mr Bingley duly returned his call on Mr Bennet alone.

  • Northanger Abbey (first published 1818)

    Catherine Morland was snubbed when she called on Miss Tilney at Milsom Street, Bath and produced a card but the servant advised her that Miss Tilney was not "at home" as she thought.

  • Persuasion (first published 1818)

    Sir Walter Elliot "took" a very good house in Camden Place, Bath and their acquaintance was sought after. They kept getting cards left from people they did not know!

  (In Harrogate the local paper published a weekly list of visitors)

  Calling Card used in the Romance of Jennie & Randolph Churchill

  In her book: "Jennie: The Life of Lady Randolph Churchill", Anita Leslie mentions the role that a Calling Card played in the romance of Jennie Jerome and Randolph Churchill.

  In the summers of 1870 and 1873, the family rented a cottage, Villa Rosetta, in West Cowes on the Isle of Wight, where Leonard Jerome liked to sail. In 1873 there was an avalanche of news after Jennie and her sister Clara were presented to the Prince and Princess of Wales. Jennie later met Randolph Churchill at a dance. Under the words: "to meet" on the invitation (which she kept) Jennie later wrote the word, Randolph.

  After an invitation to dinner at Villa Rosetta and a meeting "by accident" on a walk....as it was his last evening, she (Mrs Jerome) sent Randolph Churchill one of her calling cards engraved:

  • Mrs Leonard Jerome
  • The Misses Jerome

  writing on the back: "I shall be most happy to see you at dinner this evening, truly yours, C. H. Jerome".

  This little card Randolph kept until the end of his days. Later in the little garden, Randolph proposed and was accepted. So after three days of "feverish Courtship", he returned to Blenheim Palace to break the news to his parents.(After Lord Randolph Churchill died, Jennie Churchill married George Cornwallis-West of Newlands, Milford and the latter became Winston Churchill's step-father).

  More recently, I found a magazine article on the role of "calling" in "courting" in the 19th Century:

  Links to:

  The Role of Calling in Courting

  Lymington Lady's Use of a Calling Book

  The instruction at the front of the Calling Book is as follows:

  "MODE OF USING THE CALLING OR VISITING BOOK

  After receiving or making a call, insert the
  name of friend in the "From or On" column,
  and fill in the date in the column headed
  "Received" if the call is received, or in the
  column headed "Made" if the call is made,
  which in either case leaves the column on the
  opposite side of the page free for the insertion
  of the date when the call is returned. A glance
  at the dates will show whose turn it is to call.

  "THE CALLING OR VISITING BOOK" ENTERED AT STATIONERS HALL"

  In general terms, the idea of the Calling Book was to note down the names of people who visited you or you met, so that you could plan to return their calls.

  This lady appeared to find the book useful in particular instances:

  Examples

• Recording the names of people she met on visits, i.e. York, Galway and Leeds.
• Adding notes, where appropriate, when people were "at home" for return visits.
• Drawing up lists of people she needed to visit or invite.

  There is a Statistical Analysis as an Appendix which looks at when calls were made, places that were mentioned and the number of calls received and made.

  Research Undertaken

  The methods of research used were as follows:

  • I decided on a format to record the contents of the Calling Book and listed what entries I could. Some of the writing was difficult to read including the lady's use of ticks and ditto marks.
  • I also set up a card index to keep the names in alphabetical order in 4 runs, i.e. the Lymington area, York, Galway and Leeds.

    A Names Index from the Calling Book is attached as an Appendix with the following entries:

    Lymington area - 204 entries
    York - 6 entries
    Galway - 6 entries
    8 Sion Place, Sion Hill, Leeds - 6 entries

  • The first big stride forward was looking at the local 1881 Census. I already had the 1881 Census for the whole country on CD-ROM and printed out the brief entries of each person in Lymington. I also looked at entries in the surrounding area, including Milford, Milton Boldre, Sway, Hordle and Brockenhurst. If I found an entry of interest I printed off fuller details.
  • I bought a number of books and booklets and borrowed others from Lymington Library (see attached Bibliography).
  • From time to time, our local paper, the Advertiser and Times (A & T), includes articles in which local people in the past are mentioned.
  • What really brought the information to life was being able to visit some of the places mentioned in the Calling Book and research material. This included joining in on some very enjoyable guided walks around Lymington and Milford on Sea.
  • Throughout the Project I have contacted a number of people asking them for help and promoting the Project.
  • Since the early research, I have more recently visited New Milton and Lymington Libraries to look at the 1891 Census and directories for the local area. I have also visited the Society of Genealogists to go through some of their Galway records.

  As I worked through the research material, I was able to identify people in the Lymington area, that the Victorian lady may or may not have met, and realised just how important they were. Similarly places that the Victorian lady may have visited or places in which she may have lived were identified.

  The aim throughout has been to identify people that the Victorian lady met and who the lady might have been. The potential matches (and where they lived) to date are listed in the attached appendix.

  Conclusions

  In the late 1800s within the compact area of Lymington and its surrounding villages there was a number of ladies of standing who met socially.

  Some of the ladies lived in grand country houses; others lived in the delightful Georgian houses in the centre of Lymington (see attached photographs) or within a carriage's drive of places like Boldre and what was then known as Milford and Milton.

  Our Victorian lady mixed in the a cream of this society. A good example of this is the sequence in the attached Names Index:

  Weld (owners of Pylewell 1802-1849)
  
  West (Lady of the Manor, Newlands, Milford)
  
  Whitaker (owners of Pylewell since 1874)
  

  These days it is hard to imagine the need for the formality of keeping a Calling Book but calling was an important and enjoyable pastime in Victorian times and it was important to follow correct etiquette.

  Of course, certain elements in the practice of calling continue to this day, e.g. the custom of obtaining and presenting calling cards (mostly for business it is true) and keeping records like visitor books.

  Also we tend to send cards to welcome people to their new home, and invite people back for lunch or dinner to "return the compliment".

  It is interesting to think of and try to visualise a lady in our area receiving an invitation from or initiating a call on a friend or acquaintance known to be "at home", getting into her carriage and being driven to a smart Victorian house and meeting the wives or widows of important men in the Lymington area (e.g. doctors, bankers, retired military men, clergy, lawyers); some of them important ladies in their own right.

  And then the reward and recognition of some of these important ladies in local society visiting her.

  Plans to develop the project

  I will continue to look out for directories etc that list residents in the Lymington area in the late 19th century.

  I am hoping to get sone feedback from lodging an initial report with local libraries and putting a further letter in the A & T.

  How can you help?

  Did you dispense of the Calling Book or know who did?

  Do you have any records that might identify this Victorian lady? (Maybe you have other Calling Books!)

  Do you think that there are other important people and properties not mentioned in this article?

  Do let me know of any information or suggestions for further research by contacting me by e-mail.

  Colin Bower
  29 February 2008

  Links to:

  Calling Book Index